IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #crime #images #television #computer #video #games
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Violence
Use synonyms
 on TV, in social media and video games have been, in many countries, associated with a higher rate of crime. Passive absorption of
violence
Use synonyms
 conducted by others may be a trigger for some.
However
Linking Words
, the majority of our population stays immune to it and would never turn into a criminal. Everyone in our society is passively exposed to some
violence
Use synonyms
. Not only to the
violence
Use synonyms
 we experience through the screen, but as well to the one we are daily witnessing on the street, work floor, school or even at home. There is no doubt that it has an impact on our perception of the world and on our thoughts.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, people do not turn into a violent person just because they have seen something. It is proven that other factors,
for example
Linking Words
, alcohol and drug abuse, low socioeconomic status, are highly correlated with crime.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people and especially
children should
Accept comma addition
children, should
 be taught that
violence
Use synonyms
 in their video games and a real life are two separate things. Being educated at a young age about possible consequences of violent
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
 is essential. It gives an individual a chance to think about their actions and prevents unfortunate situations.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the parents can monitor and limit the TV and gaming time of their children. Fighting crimes and applying prevention measures should be prioritized. In general, people spend a lot of their free time on a computer, watching TV or gaming.
However
Linking Words
, the increasing trend of violent crimes cannot be blamed solely on exposition to violent images.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: