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Band 5

Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write. How does this affect them in life? What can government do to help them?

#access #school #education #adults #affect #life #government
Illiteracy is one of the biggest problems, faced by
the
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apply
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society.
Inspite
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In spite
 of having an increasing number of primary and secondary schools, many men and women continue to remain illiterate. The primary effect of
this
 is they are helpless to live in poor conditions
due to
lack
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a lack
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 of proper
job
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jobs
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.
However
,
this
 issue
cab
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can
show examples
ne
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be
 resolved by timely intervention by the
government
 which can provide free basic
education
 to everyone. It is a known fact that to get a
well paid
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well-paid
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 white collar job, an individual should be highly qualified which is not the case in many adults.
Due to
lack
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a lack
show examples
 of
education
 and proper
knowledge
Add a comma
knowledge,
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 they are hired to work as
a labour
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labourers
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 mainly at a construction site and are paid extremely minimal wages.
Due to
this
 they continue to remain below
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
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 line and are unable to carve out a better life for themselves or their family.
For example
, India, being one of the fastest growing economies in the world has one of the highest numbers of illiterate young population.
However
, the
government
 can help them by providing free basic
education
. The
government
 of any country, being the highest
decision making
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decision-making
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 authority, can help by making basic
education
 compulsory for all.
In other words
, with
such
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a law
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law
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law,
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 the problem will be addressed at
grass root
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the grassroots
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 level wherein everyone will at least know
basics
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the basics
show examples
 of reading and writing which can help them in future.
This
 could be done by setting up new schools in every village and
districts
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district
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 of the country.
Also
, the
government
 can collaborate with NGOs wherein these NGOs can conduct classes for
such
 men and women and educate them about basic reading and writing which will eventually help them to progress in life.
For instance
, there was a recent news article on an NGO – Hope which conducts night
class
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classes
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 for labourers and provides them
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with basis
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basis
Replace the word
basic
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education
 and
this
 in turn is helping the workers immensely. In conclusion,
inspite
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in spite
 of improving primary
education
 resources the number of uneducated youth continues to remain high and
as a result
of
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apply
show examples
this
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apply
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they continue to live in poverty. The onus is on the
government
 to provide proper access
for
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to
show examples
education
 to everyone thereby improving the living standards.

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task achievement
While the essay adequately addresses the topic, try to provide more specific solutions and actions the government can take. Delve deeper into how these solutions help decrease illiteracy rates and improve living conditions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Some transitions can be more explicit to guide the reader through your argument. For example, using transition phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'For this reason' can enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure and sentence coherence to deliver points more clearly. For instance, closely relate each sentence within a paragraph to reinforce the main idea. Avoid veering off-topic within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduction clearly states the problem of illiteracy despite better access to education and sets context for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely summarizes the main points and reiterates the responsibility of the government, effectively wrapping up the essay.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples such as referencing India and the NGO 'Hope' to illustrate the effects of illiteracy and possible solutions.

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