IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Despite greater access to school education, many adults today still cannot read or write. How does this affect them in life? What can government do to help them?

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Illiteracy is one of the biggest problems, faced by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Inspite
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In spite
 of having an increasing number of primary and secondary schools, many men and women continue to remain illiterate. The primary effect of
this
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 is they are helpless to live in poor conditions
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of proper
job
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jobs
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.
However
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,
this
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 issue
cab
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can
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ne
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be
 resolved by timely intervention by the
government
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 which can provide free basic
education
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 to everyone. It is a known fact that to get a
well paid
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well-paid
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 white collar job, an individual should be highly qualified which is not the case in many adults.
Due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
education
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 and proper
knowledge
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knowledge,
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 they are hired to work as
a labour
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labourers
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 mainly at a construction site and are paid extremely minimal wages.
Due to
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this
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 they continue to remain below
poverty
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the poverty
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 line and are unable to carve out a better life for themselves or their family.
For example
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, India, being one of the fastest growing economies in the world has one of the highest numbers of illiterate young population.
However
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, the
government
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 can help them by providing free basic
education
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. The
government
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 of any country, being the highest
decision making
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decision-making
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 authority, can help by making basic
education
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 compulsory for all.
In other words
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, with
such
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Correct article usage
a law
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law
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law,
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 the problem will be addressed at
grass root
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the grassroots
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 level wherein everyone will at least know
basics
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the basics
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 of reading and writing which can help them in future.
This
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 could be done by setting up new schools in every village and
districts
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district
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 of the country.
Also
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, the
government
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 can collaborate with NGOs wherein these NGOs can conduct classes for
such
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 men and women and educate them about basic reading and writing which will eventually help them to progress in life.
For instance
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, there was a recent news article on an NGO – Hope which conducts night
class
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classes
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 for labourers and provides them
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with basis
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basis
Replace the word
basic
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education
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 and
this
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 in turn is helping the workers immensely. In conclusion,
inspite
Correct your spelling
in spite
 of improving primary
education
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 resources the number of uneducated youth continues to remain high and
as a result
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of
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apply
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Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they continue to live in poverty. The onus is on the
government
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 to provide proper access
for
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to
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education
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 to everyone thereby improving the living standards.

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task achievement
While the essay adequately addresses the topic, try to provide more specific solutions and actions the government can take. Delve deeper into how these solutions help decrease illiteracy rates and improve living conditions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Some transitions can be more explicit to guide the reader through your argument. For example, using transition phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'For this reason' can enhance flow.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure and sentence coherence to deliver points more clearly. For instance, closely relate each sentence within a paragraph to reinforce the main idea. Avoid veering off-topic within paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Introduction clearly states the problem of illiteracy despite better access to education and sets context for the rest of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion nicely summarizes the main points and reiterates the responsibility of the government, effectively wrapping up the essay.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples such as referencing India and the NGO 'Hope' to illustrate the effects of illiteracy and possible solutions.
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