IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that watching sport is a waste of leisure time. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sport #waste #leisure #time
The
time
 during which a person is neither work nor performs his duties is called
leisure
time
. It is true that the wise use of
leisure
time
 always helped people to achieve their future goals.
Therefore
, I strongly agreed that
leisure
time
 must not be
waste
Suggestion
a waste
 in watching
sport
Suggestion
sports
. (49) We had seen in the past that people mostly do some kind of physical activities in their
leisure
time
. Even the old age people used their free
time
 to make them healthy and fit.
Thus
, our
ancestors
Accept comma addition
ancestors, although
although
 enjoy their
leisure
time but
Accept comma addition
time, but
 never spoil it in watching
sport
Suggestion
sports
. (49) Presently, the trend of watching
sport
 during
leisure
time
 is becoming more and more common.
This
 is because of several reasons.
For example
, those who are working in industries for long hours really do not like to go outside during their free
time
 because they are too much tired.
Similarly
, many people who are addicted from gatherings
also
 want to spend their free
time
 at homes while watching
sport
Suggestion
sports
.
However
,
this
 phenomenon is not only wasting the precious
time
 of
people but
Accept comma addition
people, but
also
 moving them towards a state of restlessness with several health issues like eyes infection and headache. (99) The recent development in science and technology has enabled the people to perform various healthy activities like walk on
fitness machine
Suggestion
the fitness machine
 during their free
time
.
Thus
, if the people keep on adapting better options during
leisure
time
,
then
 our new generation will surely be more progressive. (46)
Hence
, I strongly believed that
leisure
time
 must be utilized in healthy physical activities
instead
 of wasting it in watching
sport
Suggestion
sports
. (21)

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: