Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?

There is a growing concern that certain adult-related diseases,
such
as
obesity
, are increasingly affecting
children
.
This
phenomenon can be attributed to the widespread consumption of unhealthy
foods
in
schools
,
coupled with
a lack of nutritional knowledge among parents.
Consequently
, it is imperative to implement effective
regulations
to address
this
issue. One major contributor to
this
problem is the tendency of elementary and high school students to purchase snacks from unreliable vendors in the vicinity of their
schools
. These snacks often contain excessive amounts of sugar and salt, commonly found in junk food, which are used to attract young consumers.
Additionally
, many parents, who may not be well-versed in the principles of balanced nutrition, frequently purchase energy-dense
foods
for their
children
at home. A notable example of
this
is the increasing rate of
obesity
among Indonesian
children
, which has been linked to the practice of adding condensed milk—high in sugar—to their daily breakfast. A potential solution to
this
issue would be for the government to introduce
regulations
that restrict the availability of unhealthy
foods
, both in
schools
and at home.
For instance
, policymakers could encourage vendors to offer healthier alternatives,
such
as fresh fruit juices, sandwiches, and other nutritious snacks.
Moreover
,
regulations
that limit the sale of high-sugar products in markets would reduce parents' access to unhealthy options.
As a result
, the prevalence of
obesity
could be significantly reduced. An example of
this
approach's success can be seen in New Zealand, where the collaboration between the Ministry of Health and food regulators has led to a decrease in
obesity
-related diseases,
such
as heart disease and diabetes. In conclusion, I believe that the most effective strategy to address the issue of unhealthy eating habits in
schools
and homes is the implementation of
regulations
that restrict the production and consumption of unhealthy
foods
. By doing so, it will be possible to reduce the incidence of
obesity
and its associated health problems in
children
.
Submitted by lulukfuru on

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task achievement
Consider providing more examples or data to further support the causes and solutions presented. This can strengthen your argument and provide a more comprehensive view.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is coherent, introducing transitional phrases or linking words in some areas could enhance the flow between paragraphs or points.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task, thoroughly exploring the causes of obesity and offering practical solutions.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which makes it easy for the reader to follow the argument.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the situation in Indonesia and New Zealand, are relevant and help to illustrate the points effectively.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Prevalent
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Comfort eating
  • Screen time
  • Physical education
  • Nutritional education
  • Economic disparities
  • Food deserts
  • Subsidize
  • Advertising
  • Weight management
  • Junk food
  • Healthy food options
  • Physical activity
  • Body image
  • Counseling
  • Consumer education
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