IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people believe that children should be given lessons on how to manage money in the school. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #lessons #money #school
The proper use of
money
 while buying different things is called
money
management
. It is true that the wise use of
money
 always help children to
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 their needs and wishes.
Therefore
, I strongly agreed that children should be trained in schools on how to spend
money
 carefully. (48) We had seen in the past that people had limited resources and lack of education.
However
, they always take great care of their children. They
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 all the wishes and needs of their
children but
Accept comma addition
children, but
 always advised them to use
money
Suggestion
the money
 wisely. (42) Presently, the phenomenon of
money
management
 is spreading greatly among children all over the world. Nowadays, all the popular institutions are arranging lectures for children on how to manage
money
. There are several reasons behind
this
 great initiative.
First
 of all, in schools, children always considered teachers as their role models. So when a teacher asks them to manage
money
, the students must follow his instructions.
Secondly
, schools always offered a learning environment
to
Suggestion
for
 children in a disciplined way. So lessons on
money
management
 are really beneficial for children if arranged as a part of extracurricular activities. (97) The recent attention of educational institutions towards overall grooming of children has greatly inspired the children as well as their parents.
Thus
, if the schools keep on training children to manage
money
,
then
 our new generation will surely be able to
fulfill
put in effect
fulfil
 all their wishes and needs from their own pocket
money
. (52)
Hence
, I believed that it is the moral duty of all schools to arrange lectures on
money
management
 so that children must realize the importance of
money
 and always spend it carefully. (32)
Submitted by mamir.amirshahzad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: