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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that schools do not do enough to teach young people about health? Do you agree or disagree?

#people #schools #health
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The institution in which young people are given instructions in a disciplined way is known as school. It is true that schools always focus more on their academic responsibilities.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly agreed that schools do not do enough to make young people healthy and fit. (46) We had seen in the past that children
always learnt
Suggestion
always learned
 many things of general life from schools beside their studies. The schools not only taught academic syllabus to
children but
Accept comma addition
children, but
also
Linking Words
 enabled them to spend a healthy life.
Thus
Linking Words
, schools played an important role in the growth of physical and mental capacities of young people in the past. (58) Presently, the competition among students as well as schools has greatly changed the ways and means of education in almost all the countries. Nowadays, every school is in
hurry
Suggestion
a hurry
 to prove the academic competencies of its students and no one cares about their
health
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
, the extracurricular activities are arranged on
annual basis
Suggestion
an annual basis
 in all the big schools,
however
Linking Words
, it has never observed that schools arranged some special lectures on
health
Use synonyms
 and physical fitness.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the lessons on general
health
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 have not been included in the curriculum designed for young people at school level. (95) The recent development in
education sector
Suggestion
the education sector
 has forced the schools to arrange lessons on general
health
Use synonyms
 on regular basis.
Thus
Linking Words
, if the schools keep
of
Suggestion
on
 focusing on the overall grooming of children,
then
Linking Words
 our new generation will surely be more healthy and intelligent. (43)
Hence
Linking Words
, I believed that it is the moral duty of all schools to teach young people about the importance of
health
Use synonyms
 and physical fitness
in addition
Linking Words
 to their academic commitments. (30)
Submitted by mamir.amirshahzad on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Health education
  • Curriculum
  • Healthy lifestyle
  • Diet
  • Exercise
  • Mental health
  • Hygiene
  • Practical skills
  • Responsibility
  • Collaboration
  • Long-term benefits
  • Reduced healthcare costs
  • Academic performance
  • Well-being
  • Comprehensive health programs
  • Positive outcomes
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