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Band 8.5

Some people think success in life comes from hard work and determination. Others think money and appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #success #life #work #determination #money #appearance
It is true that people have a lot of ways to achieve success in their life. While some people think money and appearance are two factors affecting to people's success, I would argue that people can reach a peak of their career when they work hard and have determination. On the one hand, there are several reasons why finance and physical beauty are important contributors to win in life. The
first
 reason is that money enables people reaching their deep desires like power and frame.
For example
, if people have a great deal of wealth, they have countless opportunities to progress rapidly in their career or being well-known in the community that they desired.
Furthermore
, personal appearance is one of the crucial factors impacting achievement.
For instance
, it would be a good chance for candidates to seek a job if they indicate their confident body posture or wearing clothing apart from great skills and experiences.
On the other hand
, it is undeniable that hard working and willpower are necessary features which are pivotal to ensure victory in the field.
Firstly
, hard work helps people gain some valuable experiences in aspects of life. To illustrate my point, if young student practices several times, some kinds of assignment in college and home, they are likely to minimize the risk of repeating the same mistakes so they have the tendency to get high scores in the formal exam.
Secondly
, determination gives us the motivation to set up goals which become the foundation of success.
As a result
,
this
 is an essential skill to allow people overcome the complex problems in all situations and always keep moving forward to reach the long-term goals. In conclusion,
although
 money and personal appearance have an influence on achievement, it seems to me that hard work and determination are dominant factors to get the highest achievement.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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