IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that television is useful for education, while others say it is more useful for entertainment. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some state that
television
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for education
whereas
Linking Words
 others claim that it is more used for
entertainment
Use synonyms
 purposes. Even though some
channels
Use synonyms
 broadcast educational information, many
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 it to relax and I believe the usage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
Use synonyms
 deviates more towards
entertainment
Use synonyms
. Some programmes and
channels
Use synonyms
 are specifically developed for educational purposes. They broadcast various information which is useful for children
as well as
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 for adults.
Moreover
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, few
channels
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 telecast rare wildlife scenarios which only a few
people
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 were fortunate to witness in their lifetime.
For instance
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,
such
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 a rare scene of an elephant birth was once telecasted on Animal Planet.
Therefore
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, these opportunities provided by
television
Use synonyms
 make
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
show examples
 useful for learning activities.
However
Linking Words
, many watch
television
Use synonyms
 during their free time in order to relax and enjoy their break effectively. For some sole purpose of
television
Use synonyms
 is
entertainment
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
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, individuals prefer watching movies, dramas or their favourite cartoons in order to minimize their stress.
For example
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, few
people
Use synonyms
 even plan prior
what
Change preposition
to what
show examples
 to watch during their break and some binge-watch their favourite TV series.
As a result
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, some might claim that
television
Use synonyms
 is more used for
entertainment
Use synonyms
. My opinion is that, even though
television
Use synonyms
 can be used for both education and
entertainment
Use synonyms
, many
use
Use synonyms
 it for
entertainment
Use synonyms
 rather than for learning because of
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 availability in
wide
Add an article
a wide
show examples
 range of
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 categories. In conclusion, some
channels
Use synonyms
 provide educational information
thus
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 believe
television
Use synonyms
 to be useful in learning activities,
whereas
Linking Words
, others claim that it is more useful for
entertainment
Use synonyms
 as
people
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 it solely to relax and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe it has more
use
Use synonyms
 in
entertainment
Use synonyms
 as it provides various ways to get entertained.

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task achievement
Your essay is well-organized and addresses both views clearly. To enhance your task achievement, consider providing a few more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, your ideas are logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, try to ensure that each paragraph flows more smoothly into the next. Using transitional phrases could help achieve this.
general
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and varied sentence structures to improve the overall readability of your essay.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views and provided your own opinion, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion clearly outline and wrap up your essay, contributing to a strong logical structure.
supported main points
Your points are generally well-supported, and the use of specific examples like the one from Animal Planet adds relevance to your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational programs
  • informative documentaries
  • interactive learning
  • entertaining content
  • reality shows
  • cartoons
  • intellectual development
  • parental guidance
  • screen time
  • creative thinking
  • educational potential
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