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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree?

#accessibility #university
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Some people believe that both wealthy and the less privileged students have difficulty getting into universities. I tend to disagree
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint. In
this
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 essay I will discuss why I believe students with strong financial background have
advantage
Suggestion
advantages
 over the others, providing funding is the only variable.
To begin
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 with, students with below average academic grades are less likely getting into universities,
Linking Words
however while
Accept comma addition
however, while
 there is money, options come along. In many countries, universities are privately funded and willing to approve admission for students with generous parents. A recent research showed, In the United States over 30 percent of current sitting students in Ivy
league
Suggestion
League
 universities came from families financially contributed to the education provider.
This
Linking Words
 option is clearly not for the poor. For academically sound students
on the other hand
Linking Words
, solid family financial support can
also
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 make substantial differences, because students from poor families have more money-related distractions from
study
Suggestion
the study
. Becoming a good student is no easy task, while rich students have all the freedom and
time
Use synonyms
 focusing on their academic tasks, many poor families require their children to work so the parents can afford the increasingly costly university tuition fees. I remember my cousin had to take a
second
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 senior year in high school after he failed his
first
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 attempt, because he worked most of his off-school
time
Use synonyms
 while preparing for university. Study like any skills in life needs
time
Use synonyms
 to master and excel and
such
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time
Use synonyms
 is a privilege which many poor students don’t have. Based on my analysis
on
Suggestion
of
 both
type
Suggestion
types
 of students, I shall conclude that, a student with his or her family being able to support their education financially would have
significantly better chance
Suggestion
a significantly better chance
significantly better chances
 getting into higher education despite his or her academic performance.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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