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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people feel unsafe either staying at home or going out. What are the possible reasons for this? What can be done to address this issue?

#people #home #address
Many
people
 could not feel secure not only when they go out, but
also
 in their homes. Perhaps the major
problem
 we need to deal with is the levels of violence. The second reason could be some
people
 have some psychological problems. Lately, the rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence is increasing day by day and it is a real threat to everyone.
People
 can
meet
Verb problem
see
show examples
this
 gang-related violence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media or TV. After watching
such
 crimes,
people
 understand that not only going out
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 staying home is
also
 dangerous. Another reason could be some
people
’s unsafe feelings
are stemming
Wrong verb form
stem
show examples
 from their psychological
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. Being a witness
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 some crimes could result
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
problems
Change preposition
of problems
show examples
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
people
’s
psychology
. If anyone observes a crime in
Add an article
the neighborhood
a neighborhood
show examples
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
 area,
for instance
, the one
understand
Change the verb form
understands
show examples
 that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 it is
real
Correct article usage
a real
show examples
 danger and
psychology
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not let him or her
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
feel safe. A clear solution to the
problem
 is for the government to increase the number of police. So,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is priority of the police is to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 the civil
people
 and
people
 believe their policemen.
Thus
, it could create safety fells
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
 when they see policemen out,
also
 near their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
show examples
. An effective method of resolving
psychological
Add an article
the psychological
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 of
people
 is to organize some free
psychology
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. It could be the best way to deal with the
problem
sharing
Change preposition
of sharing
show examples
 some information about these
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 on TV or mass media
for attracting
Change preposition
to attract
show examples
people
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there. Via the
centers
Add a comma
centers,
show examples
people
 could cope with the
problem
. In conclusion, by increasing the number of policemen and organizing some
psychology
centers
 we can
also
 solve
this
problem
.
Submitted by aytekin.yolcuyeva on

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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all aspects of the task prompt including possible reasons for feeling unsafe at home or when going out, as well as the actions that can be taken to address this issue.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that presents the main idea of the essay and a conclusion that summarizes the key points and reiterates the proposed solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perceive
  • Threat
  • Crime
  • Fear
  • Accident
  • Natural disaster
  • Personal security
  • Trust
  • Authorities
  • Social isolation
  • Loneliness
  • Media
  • News coverage
  • Community safety measures
  • Personal security awareness
  • Transparency
  • Support networks
  • Community involvement
What to do next:
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