IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel unsafe either staying at home or going out. What are the possible reasons for this? What can be done to address this issue?

#people #home #address
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Many
people
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 could not feel secure not only when they go out, but
also
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 in their homes. Perhaps the major
problem
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 we need to deal with is the levels of violence. The second reason could be some
people
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 have some psychological problems. Lately, the rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence is increasing day by day and it is a real threat to everyone.
People
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 can
meet
Verb problem
see
show examples
this
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 gang-related violence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media or TV. After watching
such
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 crimes,
people
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 understand that not only going out
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 staying home is
also
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 dangerous. Another reason could be some
people
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’s unsafe feelings
are stemming
Wrong verb form
stem
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 from their psychological
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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. Being a witness
of
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to
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 some crimes could result
on
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in
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variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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problems
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of problems
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about
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in
show examples
people
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’s
psychology
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. If anyone observes a crime in
Add an article
the neighborhood
a neighborhood
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neighborhood
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neighbourhood
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 area,
for instance
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, the one
understand
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understands
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 that
,
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apply
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 it is
real
Correct article usage
a real
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 danger and
psychology
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do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not let him or her
to
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apply
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feel safe. A clear solution to the
problem
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 is for the government to increase the number of police. So,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is priority of the police is to
safe
Replace the word
save
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 the civil
people
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 and
people
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 believe their policemen.
Thus
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, it could create safety fells
on
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for
show examples
people
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 when they see policemen out,
also
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 near their
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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. An effective method of resolving
psychological
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the psychological
show examples
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problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 of
people
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 is to organize some free
psychology
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centers
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centres
show examples
. It could be the best way to deal with the
problem
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sharing
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of sharing
show examples
 some information about these
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centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 on TV or mass media
for attracting
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to attract
show examples
people
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there. Via the
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centers
Add a comma
centers,
show examples
people
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 could cope with the
problem
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. In conclusion, by increasing the number of policemen and organizing some
psychology
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centers
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 we can
also
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 solve
this
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problem
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by aytekin.yolcuyeva on

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task response
Ensure that the essay addresses all aspects of the task prompt including possible reasons for feeling unsafe at home or when going out, as well as the actions that can be taken to address this issue.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that presents the main idea of the essay and a conclusion that summarizes the key points and reiterates the proposed solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perceive
  • Threat
  • Crime
  • Fear
  • Accident
  • Natural disaster
  • Personal security
  • Trust
  • Authorities
  • Social isolation
  • Loneliness
  • Media
  • News coverage
  • Community safety measures
  • Personal security awareness
  • Transparency
  • Support networks
  • Community involvement
What to do next:
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