IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Most people agree that money cannot be happiness. Why is happiness difficult to define? How can people achieve happiness?

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Most people believe that there is no relation between
money
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 and
happiness
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.It is hard to designate
happiness
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 as each individual has his or her definition.Various factors can contribute to
happiness
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such
Linking Words
 as their professions and
money
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. Defining
happiness
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 is almost impossible as
its
it is
it's
 a state of mind and everyone has a different measuring for
this
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 state.One of the
first
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reason
Suggestion
reasons
 for difficulty in defining
happiness
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,
Accept space
,
which every human being on
this
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 earth is unique from one another.
For instance
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,
Accept space
,
the police protect their country or people and it brings
happiness
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 to them.
Moreover
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, poor people would be happy to eat anything for the
meals but
Accept comma addition
meals, but
 people with
money
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 would normally be happy when their meals are of their own choice.
Hence
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,
happiness
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 is hard to be defined as it varies
on
Suggestion
for
 several reasons. People may become happy when they are contented with their work and
on the other hand
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, others might feel joyful when they earn adequate
money
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. If people are fully satisfied with their work, they may be happy which leads to their productivity and zeal to do
work
Suggestion
the work
.
Finally
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,
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,
however
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,
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,
few people follow
money
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 oriented approach and they become cheerful when they get
lot
Suggestion
lots
 of
money
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.
For example
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,
Accept space
,
celebrities and rich people feel more contended when they earn
money
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 in their job. In conclusion,
happiness
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 cannot be defined
in particular
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 as it depends on the individual needs

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • universally
  • cultural differences
  • psychological factors
  • satisfaction with life
  • emotional balance
  • personal achievements
  • social connections
  • fulfilling relationships
  • sense of belonging
  • sense of purpose
  • physical health
  • well-being
  • financial stability
  • mindfulness
  • gratitude
  • positive thinking
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