IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that cars should be banned from large cities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Nowadays, private vehicles
such
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 as
cars
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 are increasing day by day. It is argued that
cars
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 should be banned from the downtown because it creates more traffic and
pollution
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. I completely agree with
this
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 view.
To begin
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 with,
cars
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 should be banned because it has a bad impact on the environment and
people
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's
health
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. The
pollution
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 from car exhaust affects the
health
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 of
people
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 because it creates air
pollution
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.
For example
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Delhi majority of
people
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 are suffering from
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
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such
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 as asthma
due to
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 air
pollution
Use synonyms
. The second reason is that it increases the level of traffic congestion. Which may cause
the
Correct article usage
a
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 rise in road accidents.
Moreover
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, it attacks the artwork, historic and main buildings of the city centre.
Last
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 but not the least reason is that it creates noise
pollution
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 in cities.
Due to
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this
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 many
people
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 face
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problems regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
such
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 as stress and depression.
Hence
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,
cars
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 should be banned to save the environment and the lives of
people
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. On the flip side, some school of
thoughts
Fix the agreement mistake
thought
show examples
 thinks that
cars
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 should not be banned.
Firstly
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, many
people
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 are working in the city centre and private vehicles are essential for them to reach
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work on time. The second reason is that children and old age
people
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 can not walk for a long time, so for their convenience
cars
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 should not be banned.
To conclude
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,
cars
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 should be banned
due to
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 environmental and
health
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 issues.
This
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 will encourage
people
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 to use bicycles by which they can improve their
health
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.

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task response
In your introduction, make sure to clearly state your position on the topic and outline the main points you will discuss in the essay. This will help set the direction for your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph connects logically to the next, providing a clear flow of ideas throughout the essay. Consider using transition words to improve the coherence of your text.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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