The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum

Health issues

Suggestion

are

among the main problem faced in the society today. Being

obsease

excessively fat

obese

is causing

negative impact

Suggestion

a negative impact

on the health care system and is gathering attention to find a solution to the issue of overweigh. Introducing physical education in

curriculam

Suggestion

the curriculum

curriculum

curricula

thought

impart skills or knowledge to

taught

as a path to

over come

win a victory over

overcome

the current issue. "Healthy body trains healthy mind", the fact that, physical education should be a part of

curriculum

Suggestion

the curriculum

is very correct. It is in

school

that

decipline

a branch of knowledge

discipline

decoupling

deception

is practiced and

inclucated

teach and impress by frequent repetitions or admonitions

inculcated

in learners. Everyday

habbits

an established custom

habits

are encouraged and shaped well under

vigilence

the process of paying close and continuous attention

vigilance

. If exercises are taught and explained to students with their importance, it could become a part of their permanent lifestyle.

School

age is the growing stage,

thus

with regular exercises, healthy and better growth can be noticed. Leading to a healthier

furture

the time yet to come

future

. Exercises should not be considered as a duty of

school

Suggestion

the school

schools

alone. It should be made as

Suggestion

family time

Accept comma addition

family, time

activity too. If implemented as curriculum, students take it as an activity just to be done during

school

. Considering exercises as

Suggestion

part of

school

academic will not encourage students to continue it after

school

or during holidays. Required target is not achieved and only academic requirement

is meet

Suggestion

is met

. Introducing physical education in

school

academics is beneficial to a major

extent but

Accept comma addition

extent, but

it is important to understand the importance of personal fitness to have a healthy society and to reduce the strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved.

Submitted by syedakhadija1981 on Mon Jan 20 2020

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Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

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Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
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Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

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1Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity rates
health care system
physical education
instill
long term
raise awareness
healthier lifestyle choices
nutritional education
active transport
quality of instruction
facilities and equipment
diet control initiatives
community sports programs

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

As well as making money, businesses should also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in a a country where you have to speak foreign Language can cause serious social. problems, as well as practical problems. To What extent do you agree or disagree.