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Band 4

Vaccinating children against preventing diseases is not only unnecessary but also dangerous to waht extend do you agree or disagree?

#children #diseases #waht
Preventing children from several
diseases
 with the vaccine has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
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 popular in our lives,
however
, some side effects
are
Verb problem
have
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also
 recorded because of it.
In deed
Correct your spelling
Indeed
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, it can decline their children's quality of
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
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. Vaccinating children to prevent
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
diseases
 is unnecessary,
also
, it is quietly harmful to them.
This
 essay will
agree
Verb problem
argue
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 why it is completely hazardous even though it is useful to make the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
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 low how many percent can they get
diseases
.
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?
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 Parents let their kids get the injection from
hospital
Add an article
the hospital
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 because
,
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apply
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 they believe it can help them. They already know that
diseases
 will disturb their kids long time.
In deed
Correct your spelling
Indeed
show examples
,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of pills for curing is too expensive
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 them.
For example
, from some studies,
kid's
Correct article usage
a kid's
show examples
 inner defence system will become stronger and
effective
Correct quantifier usage
more effective
show examples
after
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apply
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against
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weak
diseases
. In conclusion, actually, it can save youth from some
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
,
also
, it is useful to make good health. Even though, there are several benefits is in it, it is truly poisonous to youth. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 young people's inner defence systems do not have enough might to protect their body from sickness vaccination.
Also
, for some humans, the liquid can cause other
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
.
For instance
, not
proved
Correct your spelling
proven
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 vaccination can cause to youth
like
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apply
show examples
allergies and heart
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
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 even they can die.
From
Change preposition
This
show examples
this
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is very hazardous to them and they can lose their health.
This
 essay
agreed
Wrong verb form
agrees
show examples
 that vaccination is not
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 solution
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
illness
. In my opinion, it can harm your sons and daughters with serious
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
, so, please be careful
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 them and find another way to care
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and coherence. The essay lacks logical sequencing of ideas and supporting evidence. The ideas are not adequately developed and lack specificity and relevance to the topic.
task achievement
The ideas lack coherence and logical development. The essay exhibits poor task response, failing to provide a clear and well-developed argument. It lacks relevant and specific examples to support the main points. The response is incomplete and lacks clear, comprehensive ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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