IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagreewith this statement?

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Owing to the problems of saving
money
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, many
people
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 argue to young aged to save their
money
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 as preparation is important for their future. I agree with
this
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 statement, saving
money
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 can provide financial stability in the long term but it should
along with
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 paying attention to body health. Many
people
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as well as
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 young started to prepare for the future they started to save their
money
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 for emergency problems or expensive stuff.
For example
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, we can find many essentials that are expensive
such
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 as living expenses, transportation, retirement, and preparing to have a family.
However
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, they should save their salary for emergency things.
As a result
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, the proportion of financial stability increased around young communities which can lead to financial stabilization in the long term.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who are motivated to save their
money
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 cause effect to mental health problems. Pressure to have financial stabilization for older aged can make a person ignore their well-being.
For instance
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, many
people
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 want to be
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
independent person and ignore small things,
such
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 as choosing to have cheap meals or fast food which is unhealthy and
this
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 can lead to some diseases
such
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 as obesity, diabetes, and other symptoms.
Also
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, having the pressure of having a salary for the future causes mental health
such
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 as depression. In conclusion, the habit of saving wages is not only beneficial for financial things but is
also
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 good for emergency preparation.
Therefore
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, I disagree with young
people
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 saving wages without healthy habits, having the pressure to have finances can lead to other diseases
such
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 as depression.

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Task Achievement
Ensure your ideas are directly addressing the topic and are fully developed. For instance, provide more details or statistics when discussing financial stability.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow of your ideas. Use more linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Clarify your argument in some areas, especially when discussing the relationship between financial pressure and mental health.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main points discussed.
Task Achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which is important for a balanced response.
Task Achievement
You provided examples, like living expenses and health implications, that are relevant to the topic.
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