Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of jobs should be highly paid? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
In
this
contemporary epoch, entertainment plays a vital role in every common person’s life. In my opinion, film actors, singers, and sports personalities are paid really high for their shows while
, I think that doctors, teachers, or engineers deserve better salaries in comparison to television stars. This
essay will delve into the reasons behind the above matrimonial.
To begin
with, the prominent reason is celebrities act as a source of entertainment for society and they also
help the
huge firms to promote their products helping them to have lucrative salaries. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, some films or songs help to depict the reality of the world in front of the public through some drama which is beneficial for society and acts as an awareness to protect themselves for which they are paid high.
In my opinion, paying good
money amount to Correct article usage
a good
the
television stars just for Correct article usage
apply
the
entertainment purpose is not worth but Correct article usage
apply
education
system requires more attention. A large amount of money is wasted to conduct the shows of TV stars just for the fun purpose of a few hours. There are many other professional jobs that contribute to the development Correct article usage
the education
as well as
the well-being of the nation therefore
, deserve to be paid higher as well.
The primary job that requires attention is the job of doctors. I think heart, cancer, or brain specialists should be paid higher wages than any other job because they are working hard to save a lot of lives in society. However
, teachers and engineers are also
necessary for the development of the country hence
, they should also
be paid reasonably because the future personnel of the nation are totally in the hands of tutors. So, they should be paid fair.
To conclude
, as per the above statements, it is crystal clear that musicians or actors do not deserve the highest pay instead
doctors, and teachers need to be paid more for better development and GDP growth in the country.Submitted by ss6802125 on
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task response
You have made a clear argument and addressed both parts of the task well. To improve, ensure you provide more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, you could mention specific instances where doctors or teachers have had significant societal impacts.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure and each paragraph transitions well to the next. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward phrases that could be refined for better clarity. For example, 'the reasons behind the above matrimonial' could be better phrased as 'the reasons behind my point of view'.
introduction conclusion
You have a clear and well-organized introduction and conclusion, which sets the stage and summarizes your argument effectively.
logical structure
Your essay includes relevant points about overpaid celebrities and underpaid professionals like doctors and teachers, which are well-supported within each paragraph.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.