IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#governments #money #individuals #events #people #benefit
It is an undeniable fact that sports has been one of the
reason bringing
Suggestion
reasons, bringing
reasons bringing
 honour to every country at International level.
However
, it has been
debatable
Suggestion
debated
 since long that authorities invest more to assist these events which should rather be used in providing facilities to the general public. I strongly agree with
this
 and shall be discussing it
further
. Sports is braced and encouraged by the ministry be it for World cup or at
Olympics
Suggestion
the Olympics
 and profoundly supported by the citizens as it is a matter of pride.
For instance
, it is essential that sportsmen undergo trainings with new techniques and practice using best sporting equipment which requires monetary assistance. To compete at a global level they need leading quality of clothes and kits.
Moreover
, it is essential that sportsmen are encouraged to give their best by providing them with the excellent schooling.
On the other hand
, while huge investments are made by the state which can
also
 be done by Non-governmental organisations than aiding to provide better amenities for people.
For example
,
administration
Suggestion
the administration
 needs to focus more on issues like high unemployment by creating job opportunities for educated youth conducting job fairs at a global scale. They
also
 need to consider the condition of roads and implement ways in which they could improve it facilitating easy transport. It will lead to steady development and growth of the nation.
Although
, sports
has been
Suggestion
have been
 a vital part of our
society causing
Accept comma addition
society, causing
 thrill among the nationals. In my opinion, it is essential that legislation offers more
aid ensuring
Accept comma addition
aid, ensuring
 to overcome and ease
life
Suggestion
the life
 of locals avoiding detrimental effects.
Submitted by maq.fatima on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: