IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Children weight are increasing over the years. What are the reasons? What can be done?

#children #weight #years
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often thought that the number of obesity in youngsters has risen up over the years.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 issue will have a huge impacts on their future life, with regarding on their health and their financial costs. In the
next
Linking Words
 paragraphs, I will discuss the reason for
this
Linking Words
 issue and what can be done to prevent
this
Linking Words
 in the future.
To begin
Linking Words
, children are doing less exercise these days in comparison with the past.The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that youngsters spend most of their spare time on social media and other electrical devices, which is the caused of the decrease in the body's metabolism.
For instance
Linking Words
, a few decades ago, we as children were spending our free time outside with friends and relatives. So, that's why the obesity has gone up over the years. On the
second
Linking Words
 hand, motivating the counterparts to be active for at least half an hour a day is really significant. The reason for
this
Linking Words
 is that it will increase the metabolism, which will have a positive effect on the body's weight.
For instance
Linking Words
, a lot of inhabitants have seen an improvement by increasing their activity during the day. So, exercise and walking is great to lose some weight and stay healthy. To conclude, I strongly believe that the obesity in children can decrease with a few impacts, which can be a bit of walking or exercise for half an hour a day.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the youngsters are spending a lot of time on their phones or tv.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: