IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The internet has changed way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development Others believe that social media have negative effects.

#internet #communication #media #people #support #development #effects
The internet has contributed greatly to our breakthrough in
communication
.
For instance
, a large amount of
communication
 occurs on social media
such
 as Facebook and Instagram. While some consider it advantageous due to its convenience, there are many who argue that it can have a negative influence on our contemporary society.
This
 essay will discuss both positions and I will conclude with my personal opinion. From one side of the debate, social media has been proven to be convenient.
This
 means that when using social media, people can type the message, widely communicating even far away distance.
For instance
, the founder of social media
such
 as Facebook and Instagram, mark Zuckerberg report that that application enables wider peer to peer
communication
 regardless of its distance.
Thus
,
Communication
 on
such
 social media can drive people into a situation where they minimize the restriction of distance. Meanwhile, those tending towards the
second
 opinion argue that allowing social media in our modern society can have a negative impact on a specific group of people.
That is
, while in
communication
, a group of people can cause not only conflict but
also
 cyber bullying. In the case of Facebook, the united states of the American government report that people in the media have increased the proportion of cyber-bullied users by forty percent.
As a result
, enabling online
communication
 on media is more likely to cause more victims suffering from cyber bullying.
Furthermore
, it is
also
 undeniable that allowing social networking services to be widely used in society can lead to a large number of health problems. During the period of using smart phones for social media, it can decrease not only the level of eyesight but
also
 nutritional levels. NSW government reported that those addicted to digital media tend to have more issues with eyesight when compared to people with the media with the appropriate period. AS a consequence, the excessive level of using digital media can have a negative impact on body parts, especially on the eyes. To recapitulate, while there are greater advantages of using social media, its drawbacks outweigh its advantages.
Therefore
, the appropriate amount of time and swearing are strongly recommended to produce a better environment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • instant communication
  • global connectivity
  • networking opportunities
  • data privacy
  • data breaches
  • mental health issues
  • excessive use
  • depression
  • anxiety
  • feelings of loneliness
  • misinformation
  • fake news
  • public misinformation
  • societal harm
  • shared interests
  • engaged
  • foster communities
What to do next:
Look at other essays: