IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

The most important aim of science should be to improve people's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#aim #science #people #lives
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Some people believe that science has to be used to improve their lives, and I am
one
 of those who totally support
this
 statement. As evidence, it would not be possible to find the optimal path between two points without algebra or to cure diseases efficiently without using medical studies. I will provide more details in
this
 essay. Logistics is
one
 of the areas where the impact of science is obvious.
For instance
, to find the best route, specific math algorithms were developed and embedded into specialized software.
Thus
, we do not need to spend a lot of time reading a map and building itineraries with a pencil. From my experience, if I need to identify the closest restaurant, I just ask the application to give me the list prioritized by the shortest distance.
As a result
, I have plenty of time preserved for other things. Noticeable achievements are visible in medicine as well. More and more diseases can be cured without increasing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 chance of complications after illness.
Additionally
, the range of drugs is getting wider, allowing customers to pick
one
 for their needs. Some time ago, I had to take part in an IT conference, but I got a cold. Having 3 days for recovery only, I decided to take
one
 of the newest medicines, and I was surprised by the results.
Consequently
, the day before, I was almost healed and was ready to conquer. In conclusion, without a doubt, science is an integral part of our lives, and the more we invest in it, the more we gain back.
In addition
, any solutions being provided and incorporated in different areas of life are safe because they are scientifically proven and validated.
Submitted by serginio.nick on

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Task Response
Ensure that your introduction succinctly paraphrases the task statement and clearly presents your viewpoint. You did well in doing this, but refining and making your thesis statement more prominent could enhance clarity.
Task Response
Illustrate your points with a wider variety of examples. You provided personal experiences, which is excellent. However, integrating statistical data or historical examples could add depth to your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintain logical sequencing of ideas as you did; it aids the reader in understanding your argument's flow. To improve, consider using a broader range of transitional phrases to enhance the link between paragraphs and within them.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay followed a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is commendable. To improve, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, clearly stated in a topic sentence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial role
  • technological advancements
  • medical discoveries
  • life-changing inventions
  • innovations
  • solutions to human problems
  • enhancing quality of life
  • improvement of healthcare
  • transportation
  • communication
  • agriculture
  • energy sectors
  • eradication of diseases
  • prolongation of life expectancy
  • global challenges
  • climate change
  • overpopulation
  • food security
  • developed world
  • underprivileged communities
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