IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Violence among young people has increased dramatically over the past 50 years. This rise moves in tandem with a growth in violent media. Thus, the conclusion can be drawn that violent media is the main cause of violence among young people. Refute this claim.

#violence #people #years #rise #moves #tandem #growth #media #conclusion
Media has been linked as a cause of increasing rate of violence. It is believed that the principal reason of violence among children is due to the influence of violent media circulating around the globe.
This
 essay will discuss and provide reasons and examples why media is not merely the cause of elevating cases of violence. There are several factors involved in
this
 trend. The
first
 factor is the influence of family.
For instance
, when a child is exposed to a violent family,
then
 there is a tendency that he will grow as a violent person.
In addition
, lack of guidance may
also
 cause them to do bad things.The main foundation of a child's learning and values begins at home, wherein parents are supposed to show good example on their offsprings.
Moreover
, parents should
also
 inspire their children to be a better citizen of the community.
Secondly
, is the lack of education. Being educated can make a person grow as a good individual.
For example
, an educated person knows that fervency is not acceptable in the society, so he will not bring any harm to anyone.
Furthermore
, having an education can improve one's life and let them focus on their goals rather than doing violent things.
This
 only proves that having a knowledge on what is right and wrong can avoid
this
 kind of situations. In conclusion, it is evident that the media is not the only source of increasing rate of assault and ferocity,
therefore
 some factors must
also
 be considered which contribute to its increase.
Submitted by diannela9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: