Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion？
Many people believe that despite our differences,
music
is one of the best methods to connect individuals with each other. I totally agree with that as music
has been used to express feelings and to represent the nations in some circumstances when you are not allowed to say what you want.
First and foremost, folks reveal what is inside them through music
, and say what they can not say in their own language. Music
is a language that everyone will understand, even if they speak another language. For example
, some lovers use music
to show their love without saying a word. Hence
, music
is a privilege for us to communicate with others, as music
helps you to know the
people who share the same interests in life as you.
Correct article usage
apply
Secondly
, music
could be used as a voice of the societies when the countries are experiencing hard situations. It has been noticed that when people are afraid to complain about their government, they use music
as an indirect way to send their messages. For instance
, in the world wars, many musicians said by their music
that they do
not agree with the war. Wrong verb form
did
Furthermore
, music
was used to emphasize the good connections between some states, as all the world will know that if it is through music
.
In conclusion, although
we might not have the same ideas or beliefs and we may not agree with each other, yet when it comes to music
we enjoy it together as all of us understand what it says.Submitted by okalqusay on
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task achievement
Consider expanding on your supporting points with more specific examples and detailed explanations. This can help to make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your ideas are fully developed and clearly organized. This can improve coherence and make your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to structure your ideas effectively.
task achievement
You provided relevant ideas around how music can connect people from different cultures and ages, which effectively addresses the task.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite