IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing. In many cases the people being monitored are unaware that it is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cases #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technology is believed to be the most important revolutionary idea in the
last
 century.
As a result
 of their discoveries, people have been able to improve the industry in all their fields.
However
, since new devices
such
 as smartphones, and
smartwatch
 came to the market, technology has been used to know what people are saying and doing without their endorsement. I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages for two main reasons: the purpose of the data, and human’s security. Nowadays, nobody can control what the companies are doing with the data that they record from the devices. Generally, when people buy a new device, they don't read the terms and conditions meanwhile they use the companies' technology. As a consequence, they accept their data could be used for political, and business purposes.
For instance
, Facebook, which is the most important social media on the earth,
have
Suggestion
has
 had different issues with the US government due to they have used the information not alike they should. Another important concern is the safety and privacy of people. In some opportunities, users are obliged to accept being monitored. The majority of devices bring cameras and microphones that can be activated from outside and the users are unaware of it. Most of the time these techniques are made to monitor their
behavior
manner of acting or controlling yourself
behaviour
. So, they could be affected if the companies don’t use it properly. In conclusion, it is clear that technology has created a better life for people and exist many advantages it has brought
for
Suggestion
to
 all of us.
However
, it needs to be controlled by restricted laws to assure the companies are
respecting
Suggestion
respected
 and keeping safe the data that they collected. If it doesn’t happen, the information will remain public.
Submitted by david.medinap86 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: