IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think about that parent should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In
this
Linking Words
 world, socialism and being a member of
society
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 precious. Some people say
parents
Use synonyms
 play a crucial role
being
Change preposition
in being
show examples
 a good social member in
children
Use synonyms
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Few people think that
schools
Use synonyms
 take
this
Linking Words
 responsibility and teach
students
Use synonyms
 how to be responsible in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
parents
Use synonyms
 can guide their
children
Use synonyms
 by helping
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 ask their
children
Use synonyms
 to distribute the food they cooked
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home and clothes for the poor kids.
Children
Use synonyms
 learn
things
Use synonyms
 from their
parents
Use synonyms
, if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 do good
things
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, their
children
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 mimic
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
things
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they will become good members of the community.
Thus
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 need to be accountable for their child’s attitude towards the public.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 should teach the
students
Use synonyms
 in regards to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humanity.
For instance
Linking Words
, teachers assign the
students
Use synonyms
 to clean the streets in
certain
Correct article usage
a certain
show examples
 area,
this
Linking Words
 will keep
students
Use synonyms
to think
Wrong verb form
thinking
show examples
 about the nation. Teachers must take responsibility on behalf of the
schools
Use synonyms
 and include
Linking Words
this kind
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
 of activities in their school curriculum. If
students
Use synonyms
 practice these
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of activities in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school, when they
Use the right word
grow up
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grown-up
Punctuation problem
grown-up,
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 they will continue to practice similar
things
Use synonyms
 in their remaining life. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, it is hard to debate who will be most responsible
to teach
Change preposition
for teaching
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
schools
Use synonyms
 should take
this
Linking Words
 as
children
Use synonyms
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
daytime
Check wording
of their day
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school.

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task response
Your answer shows some talk of both sides and a view, but the point is not clear. To boost task response, state your main view clearly in the opening or the ending and keep it steady.
coherence and cohesion
Make the essay flow better. Use a map in the start: first the side of parents, then schools, then your view. Use linking words to tie ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Try one main idea in each paragraph. Start each with a clear topic sentence, add facts or ideas, then end with a short link to the next idea.
task response
Give more clear support for each point with simple examples and show how they back the view.
language
Polish the language. Fix the tiny grammar and spelling mistakes that hide ideas. Read your work aloud to catch errors.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words like first, also, but, so, for example to help the flow.
structure
Your plan has four parts: intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
content
There are ideas about both sides and a wish to give your own view.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • instilling
  • mimicking
  • social norms
  • ethical behavior
  • citizenship education
  • societal expectations
  • interpersonal skills
  • collaboration
  • diverse environment
  • microcosm
  • communication skills
What to do next:
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