With the rapid development of communication technology, e.g smart phones, tablets and other communication devices, some people believe that the disadvantages of these devices outweigh their advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is considered by
Capitalize word
Many
many
that with the quick improvement in Capitalize word
Many
electrical
Add an article
an electrical
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
device
, Fix the agreement mistake
devices
such
as mobile phones, Fix the agreement mistake
iPods
iPod
and other communication Fix the agreement mistake
iPods
products
, a small group of people thinks that the negative effects outweigh the positive effects. In my point of view, I believe that the disadvantages exceed the advantages.
First of all, this
development will decrease the socialisation between the community. The main reason for this
is that a lot of people will be more focussed on their technological products
rather than the relationship between the
parents and friends. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, it can be seen that a lot of teenagers and adults are spending most of their spare time on social media, such
as Facebook or Twitter. That's why, there has been a huge downward trend explored over the years in the
socializing.
Correct article usage
apply
On the other hand
, this
will also
decrease the quality of the eyesight and it will rise
the complications with the vision. Correct your spelling
raise
This
is because the radiation of the products
is too dangerous for our body in an unconscious way. For example
, it can be the main reason for the reduction of our sight and the redness of our eyes. All in all, the mobile phones and other products
can be enjoyable for a couple of times,
but can be harmful in a longer period of time.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages because Remove the comma
apply
is
will dropped down the relationship with our loved ones and can Correct your spelling
it
also
have a negative impacts
on the human.Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
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coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and presents relevant arguments. However, there are issues with coherence and cohesion that affect the overall clarity of the essay.
task response
The essay responds to the task, but lacks depth and clear development of ideas. It needs to provide more specific examples and elaboration to fully address the question.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite