IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishments for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

#people #punishments #type #crime #circumstances #motivation #account #punishment
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In my opinion, I agree on the given topic. There are circumstances that should take account when someone commit a crime
such
Linking Words
 as the age of the person. If the individual is minor, there's a possibility that the charges given to that person will be lessen and
instead
Linking Words
 of putting in jail, the police will send them to a centre for children or teenagers.
For instance
Linking Words
, in the Philippines, if the person who committed a crime is minor, he
/
Use synonyms
she will be sent at DepEd or Department of Education. The minor will stay there until his
/
Use synonyms
her parent or guardian will pay the money accounted to that individual so that they can bail him
/
Use synonyms
her out of his
/
Use synonyms
her charges. The same goes with senior citizens, there is a possibility that the police will send them at the Home for the Agents.
Besides
Linking Words
, we cannot put a minor child inside the jail with murdering people. It is clearly against the law of human rights, as far as I know. There are
also
Linking Words
 cases in another country that they lessen the charges in which type of character you are,
for example
Linking Words
, a priest. I was once watching a case in the 90s where a failed exorcism occurs and two priests were sent to jail. The judge lessens the charges of the priests according to the recommendation of the people.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I conclude that we should understand the circumstances of an individual crime before deciding a punishment because not all crimes are intentional.
Submitted by elahuang1 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • fixed punishments
  • consistency
  • predictability
  • deter crime
  • potential offenders
  • streamline
  • judicial process
  • bias
  • corruption
  • complexity
  • human behavior
  • circumstances
  • justice system
  • intent
  • remorse
  • socio-economic background
  • rehabilitate offenders
  • recidivism rates
  • flexible punishment systems
  • inconsistencies
  • perceived injustices
  • public trust
What to do next:
Look at other essays: