IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many people think that more having more money will make them happier. How important is money to happiness?

#people #money #happiness
This
 essay is talking about the many
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 assumptions
on
Change preposition
that
show examples
acumullating
Correct your spelling
accumulating
 more
money
 will result
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 happiness. I agree with the aforesaid statement,
Money
 has got
vital
Add an article
a vital
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 role in today's play of our
life
 and it is a major factor for
people
's
hapiness
Correct your spelling
happiness
.
Money
 enables us to lead a
comfort
Replace the word
comfortable
show examples
 and healthy
life
. The
money
 makes every
rules
Change to a singular noun
rule
show examples
 to fall allign and simple.
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 earning
money
 is becoming easy for every individual because of inborn talents. With vitamin M called
money
Add a comma
money,
show examples
 we are able to
acheive
Correct your spelling
achieve
 a bout project on time. And by having more
money
 it is easy to afford the required elements to comfort ourselves,
comparitively
Correct your spelling
comparatively
 the cost of all elements and needs are very high,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel for a
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
people
 it is a very big challenge to manage their income for daily routine activities, providing
best
Add an article
the best
show examples
 education for their children and making a basic property called Home. But for richer
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 it is just like a peanut to handle the above statements mentioned as a challenge to
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
people
.
For
instance
Add a comma
instance,
show examples
 a project named 'admission for
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
' in a competitive school will be easier for rich
people
 by buying
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
rules and by funding the school generously.
Now a days
Correct the word
Nowadays
show examples
 healthy
life
run
Correct subject-verb agreement
runs
show examples
 only
around
Change preposition
on
show examples
money
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because all healthier ways
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
life
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 turned
as
Change preposition
into
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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costly business.
Middle class
Add a hyphen
Middle-class
show examples
people
tends
Change the verb form
tend
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 to miss healthier way to manage their
life
with in
Correct your spelling
within
show examples
 the budget
thus
 how they keep frequent visit to the hospital
due to
 slip in their health issues.
Such
 as to buy
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
naturally cultivated fruits,vegetables, dals and oils retail prices are very high on these products compared to non-organic food.
However
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would like to
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
,
money
 matters a lot for each and every move of our
life
.
More
Change preposition
With more
show examples
money
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 happiness
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighs
 the sadness because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel they are very negligible.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • subjective
  • universally
  • cultural differences
  • psychological factors
  • satisfaction with life
  • emotional balance
  • personal achievements
  • social connections
  • fulfilling relationships
  • sense of belonging
  • sense of purpose
  • physical health
  • well-being
  • financial stability
  • mindfulness
  • gratitude
  • positive thinking
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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