Some people think that in the modern society, individuals are becoming more dependent on each other, while others say that individuals are becoming more independent of each other. Discuss both views and give your own opinion do you think this is a positive or negative development?
These days, the type of
people
's lives have been so different from the past because currently our lives are dependent on technology and we cannot live without it, so a group of people
believe that people
are evolving on each other, and other groups belief are in contrast
with the first one. In my opinion, people
who have modern lifestyles do not need other people
as they can solve their matters with technology instead
of they are helping other populations.
On the one hand, today, some people
view, the modern community inhabitants who are living in it need each other more than past for some reason. Firstly
, it is important that people
aid themselves in improving technology. For instance
, people
who work for Apple company are not able to innovate new devices alone , so they should work in groups to create fascinating gadgets. Secondly
, a large group of people
are sick; as a result
, they need each other to become healthier. To illustrate, a massive number of global citizens have mental issues ; moreover
, they cannot solve them by themselves; hence
, they need not only therapists but also
drugs.
On the other hand
, other people
think that now we do not need other people
due to
the fact that technological advancements help us to have a good life without other people
's help. In other words
, it can help us to find our roads when we are going to the new districts, clean our houses by utilising robot vacuum cleaners, dishwashers, and other tools, drive atoumaticly, and other things; therefore
, It situation opens opportunity which we might not need other ones. people
like clam position; thus
,they are preferring to have more time with their; then
they have less communication with their both family and friends. For example
, most people
such
as the young generations like to travel to the jungles, beaches, and other places with themselves instead
of having trips with a band of people
like family or friends.
To sum up
, it is crucial that people
help each other to make new evidence and solve their problems; nevertheless
, they do not like to have a lot of relationships with each other since, they can use digital tools instead
of people
.Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on
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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of your essay by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Currently, some transitions are abrupt.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the introduction and conclusion to make them stronger and more engaging. This will help frame your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas by expanding on your points more thoroughly. This will help the reader better understand your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both perspectives clearly and provided a balanced view, which is crucial for a task response.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples that help illustrate your points, particularly in explaining the use of technology.
coherence cohesion
The main points are supported, making your argument convincing.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.