IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that some unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (e.g. working in a charity, improving the relationship of neighborhood or teaching sports to children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #e #g #charity #relationship #neighborhood #sports #children
Many people opine that high schools ought to incorporate certain unpaid public service in their curricula compulsorily. I completely agree with
this
 assertion and I will elaborate reasons below. In the
first
 place, I would argue that these works are beneficial for students as they are able to enhance
cooperative spirit
Suggestion
the cooperative spirit
 among students.
In other words
, those youngsters who are working together in
this
 kind of community service have an ample opportunity of understanding each other and exchanging their ideas efficiently. By doing so, they will have a very good chance to broaden their horizons in a sufficient manner. In the future, these kinds of young people will be successful in their future prospects
such
 as promotion in their workplace. In the
second
 place, I believe that
such
 voluntary jobs will benefit everyone concerned as well as society. By doing
such
 kinds of jobs, pupils will be able to gain valuable work experience which is absolutely essential for them to be successful in job hunting. What is more, the certain sections of
population
Suggestion
the population
a population
 can see
definite advantage
Suggestion
definite advantages
a definite advantage
from
Suggestion
of
for
 these public services. One good illustration of
this
 is that the elderly cannot
to take
Suggestion
take
 care of themselves properly.
Therefore
, by means of these
work
Suggestion
works
, students might feel the strong sense of responsibility for taking an active part in assisting the public as a whole. In conclusion, as the
analyzed
examined carefully and methodically; broken down for consideration of constituent parts
analysed
 reasons above, I strongly support the idea that public services which are free of charge should be the mandatory proportion of high school curriculum.
Submitted by spectacularglimp on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • civic responsibility
  • empathetic
  • socially responsible
  • practical experiences
  • teamwork
  • communication skills
  • problem-solving skills
  • bridge the gap
  • socio-economic groups
  • inclusivity
  • social cohesion
  • voluntary engagement
  • authenticity
  • unnecessary stress
  • extracurricular activities
  • mental health
  • academic performance
  • enrich
  • personal growth
  • unwanted obligation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: