IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

#people #effects #epidemic
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, obesity among people is increasing
day
Use synonyms
 by
day
Use synonyms
. The main reason of obesity is the lifestyle of human beings. Everyone is focused on earning more and more money. Nobody cares about their health. People have become lazy, due to which they prefer to eat Fast Food which is easily available everywhere. In New York City, a burger with fries cost less than a bowl of salad. The popularity of fast food among everyone is the main reason of the majority of people being overweight. We work for more than 8 hours every
day
Use synonyms
, most of us have sitting jobs. We don't exercise or go to the gym as we are so lazy to get up early morning.
Instead
Linking Words
 of cooking a healthy meal we prefer to buy food online as it is cheap and we won't have to cook. People end up taking a lot of calories as compared to the calories they burn in their entire
day
Use synonyms
. Overweight can lead to some serious problems. The high level of cholesterols is very dangerous for the heart. It not only weaken the immune system but
also
Linking Words
 make us vulnerable to many diseases. One will have lots of difficulty in breathing and will be spending much of his time in the hospital. Bad fat affects our organs and can permanently damage them. To sum up, being overweight is a choice. Our lifestyle and eagerness to earn more money is the main cause of obesity. We should tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem by eating healthy food and exercise whenever possible. We are the smartest living creatures on the planet can either choose to be fat or exercise our way out to live a healthy life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: