IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that everyone should be allowed to post any content on social media. Others believe that content on social media should be strictly controlled. Discuss both views and state your own opinion

Some would argue that
people
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 have the right to
share
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 any
content
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 they like,
while
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 others think that there has to be some control over social
media
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content
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.
Although
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 sharing any
content
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 is beneficial for creativity and the sense of
freedom
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, I strongly believe that having some
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
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 would help
people
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 feel
more safe
Correct word choice
safer
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. On the one hand, allowing individuals to
share
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 any
content
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 they want has multiple benefits.
First,
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it helps increase the creativity level of
content
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 creators.
Second,
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it is extremely important for
people
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's
freedom
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 to
share
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 whatever they like, which is one of the human rights.
Finally
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, the
freedom
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 of sharing any
content
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 on social
media
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 helps many nations to talk about the obstacles they are facing in their countries.
For instance
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, Palestinians were able to talk about the unjust treatment they are facing by the Israeli government.
This
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 couldn't
happen
Wrong verb form
have happened
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 if there
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 a restriction
over
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on
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 the shared
content
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.
However
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, I think that having restricted rules over what one can
share
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 is far more important.
On the other hand
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, having control over
posts
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 on social
media
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 is essential for individuals' safety.
To begin
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 with, having
a
Correct article usage
apply
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controlled social
media
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 will protect children and teenagers around the world.
This
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 is because the harmful
content
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 will be blocked.
For example
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, teenagers will live in a far
more safe
Correct word choice
safer
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 environment if bullying
posts
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 are not allowed.
Moreover
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, controlled
posts
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 will limit the accessibility of illegal markets, like
unauthorized
Change the spelling
unauthorised
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 drug and gun markets.
This
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 will have a huge impact on
people
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's safety. These are the reasons why I support the idea of strictly controlled
media
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content
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. In conclusion,
while
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 many support the
freedom
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 of sharing any
posts
Use synonyms
 on social
media
Use synonyms
, I personally believe that having some restrictions
over
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
posts
Use synonyms
 is essential for
people
Use synonyms
's safety.

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Task response improvement
The essay has view points and a clear choice. Add more full ideas in each part and give more clear proof for your point.
Coherence improvement
Linking words are used, good flow. Try to keep a steady plan so ideas move cleanly from one idea to the next.
Examples improvement
Examples exist but can be clearer and more exact. Use simple, well known facts or points you know well.
Structure improvement
Finish with a short final thought in the end to round off the answer.
Task achievement
Shows a clear view and position on the topic
Coherence
Good use of connect words to show contrast
Structure
Each idea has a separate paragraph and a plan is visible
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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