IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people feel that children should be educated in single sex schools; others argue that mixed schools are better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Education plays an important role in everyone’s life. Some countries have single-
sex
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others have both single-
sex
Use synonyms
 and co-educational
schools
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, it is up to the parents to decide which model is ideal for their children. It is believed that there is less room for distraction in single-
sex
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, students focus on their studies with all their attention.
Gender based
Add a hyphen
Gender-based
show examples
 prejudices do not exist in
single
Add a hyphen
single-sex
show examples
sex
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 and students can pursue whatever subject they like without any inhibitions.
For example
Linking Words
, girls in
single
Add a hyphen
single-sex
show examples
sex
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 tend to pursue science at a higher level.
Similarly
Linking Words
, boys at single-
sex
Use synonyms
schools
Use synonyms
 are more likely to take cookery classes or learn a language, despite the fact that these are often thought of as traditional subjects for girls.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, mixed
schools
Use synonyms
 prepare their students for
future
Add an article
a future
show examples
 life where both genders need to co-exist, be it at home, university or office. Boys and girls learn to live and work together from a younger age and are emotionally mature in their relations with
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 opposite
sex
Use synonyms
. They
also
Linking Words
 happen to learn from each other and may pick up some new skills or traits. Developing mutual respect for one another is another positive. They are
also
Linking Words
 sensitive in their dealings with members of the opposite
sex
Use synonyms
. I think that both models of schooling have their merits and demerits. It depends on the institute and how well a child adapts to his or her surroundings. Parents play the most crucial role here because ultimately it is their decision.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Consider providing more detailed examples or evidence to support your points, especially in the sections discussing the benefits of single-sex and mixed schools.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance clarity, you might add transitional phrases between paragraphs that directly connect the ideas on single-sex and mixed education.
Task Achievement
Your introduction effectively outlines the topic and provides a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and flows well from one paragraph to the next, which aids reader understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: