The greater proportion of government's budget should be allocated to disease prevention and health education because prevention is better than cure. Do you agree or disagree?

#proportion #government #budget #disease #prevention #health #education #cure

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According to

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some people's opinion, more money should be dedicated to preventing illness and educating pupils on healthcare developments by the government, because preventing would be of better benefit than treatments after sickness.

While

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the value of medicine and hospitality should not be underestimated, I agree with that belief as it would cost much less to teach rather than treat. On one hand, it is obvious that healing and curing ill people is crucial for everyone in society.

Firstly

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, there are so many sick people living right now, old generations, those dealing with cancer,

for instance

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, which need consideration and treatment.

In addition

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, it is hard to predict the future and what it might bring for us.

For example

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, the coronavirus was out of prediction and took a lot of effort to pass through.

Therefore

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, considering and indicating a portion of the government's income for factors

such

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as research and health services is necessary.

On the other hand

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, it is noteworthy that making efforts to teach and learn at the same time can be extremely cheaper than the costs humans pay when they are involved with sickness. Despite the fact that we lose our life and energy which is of high value, rates of illness can be declined enormously just by adding some courses in schools, or by some small TV programmes and other examples like these.

To conclude

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, in spite of the significant role of health treatment, I agree that it would be beneficial for communities and governments to pay more attention to advanced considerations forehead rather than afterwards.

Submitted by farr.shad.k on Wed Dec 04 2024

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task achievement

You have presented a clear position throughout the essay and maintained it consistently, which is commendable. However, try to enhance the depth of your arguments and support them with more nuanced examples. This will provide a more comprehensive response and increase the overall impact of your essay.

coherence cohesion

Your ideas are logically organized, making it easy for the reader to follow your argument. To further improve, use linking words and phrases more effectively to highlight the relationships between ideas and improve the flow of the essay.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in organizing the ideas effectively.

task achievement

You have effectively addressed the task by discussing both the importance of disease prevention and the necessity of healthcare services, which demonstrates a balanced approach.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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10
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Preventive healthcare
health education
chronic diseases
public health outcomes
life expectancy
empower individuals
medical interventions
economic productivity
sustainable approach
resource allocation
root causes
vaccinations
lifestyle modifications
public health campaigns

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The greater proportion of government's budget should be allocated to disease prevention and health education because prevention is better than cure. Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Studies suggest that many teenagers these days prefer socialising online to meeting one another in person. Why do you think this is the case? What measures could be taken to encourage teenagers to spend more time meeting one another in person?

Some people consider price as most important thing to think about when buying product (such as cell phone) or service (medical treatment). Do you agree or disagree?

The most important aim of science should be to improve people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the rise in popularity of the internet, newspaper will soon become a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree?