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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1

The first chart below shows the results of a survey which sampled a cross-section of 100,000 people asking if they traveled abroad and why they traveled for the period 1994-98. The second chart shows their destinations over the same period. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below You should write at least 150 words. Writing task 1
#first #results #survey #cross-section #people #period #second #destinations #report #university #lecturer #information
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The first chart presents the total
people
Correct quantifier usage
number of people
show examples
 who travelled
during
Change preposition
for
show examples
 five years, for different reasons between the years 1994 to 1998. The data show that
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 travelled to spend their holidays.
On the other hand
,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
 travelled for other reasons. The results show that a larger population of
UK
 residents travelled abroad in 1998.
Overall
, the survey concludes that the sample of
UK
 residents who travelled abroad
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased with the passage of time. As far as the results of
second
Change the article
the second
show examples
 chart are concerned, most of the
people
 travelled to Western Europe and from 1995 onward till 1998 visitors increased steadily.
Likewise
, after 1995 the number of visitors to North America and other areas
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
also
 increased.
However
, the
people
 are less in numbers who visited North America when compared to Western Europe and other areas.
Overall
, the results show that the number of
UK
 visitors increased with the passage of time, from 1994
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 1998, and
mostly
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
UK
 residents visited Western Europe during the same period.
Submitted by haniaaliqureshi on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, uk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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