IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say success in a person’s life as an adult is the result of the way he was brought up by his parents. Do you agree or disagree?

We are living in a complex world and dealing with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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various types of people. Indeed, the family methods of raising their
children
Use synonyms
 have a significant impact on their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 argument as
children
Use synonyms
 are always inspired by their
parents
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 and keep on with their
ambition
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ambitions
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain how
parents
Use synonyms
 inspire their
children
Use synonyms
 and how it affects their future.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 are responsible
to grow
Change preposition
for growing
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 confidence in their kids
through
Change preposition
in
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 different ways. Confidence is the most important thing young people
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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, it is the quality that they need to face the most challenging troubles and situations in life.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
children
Add the comma(s)
children,
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 who acquire confidence since childhood
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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tend to be more independent and
decision makers
Add a hyphen
decision-makers
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. How do
parents
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 raise a confident child?
For instance
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, encouraging them to play sports, the other way is not to punish them if they mistake and to explain to them, that they need to learn from these mistakes.
Therefore
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,
family
Add an article
the family
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 have an important role in raising a confident generation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, leading by example is one of the best ways of teaching. The younger generation will always follow their model,
either
Correct word choice
whether
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 it is a good model or bad, so it is important to be the right model for your
children
Use synonyms
 so they will follow you.
For example
Linking Words
, if they
saw
Wrong verb form
see
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 you helping old people, they will do the same, and if they realize that you are professional in your work, they will pursue the best in their career.
Thus
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should be a good example and try to influence their
children
Use synonyms
 by
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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 more than words. In conclusion, parent's actions and raising ways affect directly the
children
Use synonyms
's success in their future and careers. That's why I completely agree with the argument mentioned that
parents
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 have a big influence on
kid's
Correct article usage
a kid's
show examples
 future. I recommend that
parents
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 become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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good
master
Fix the agreement mistake
masters
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, so
children
Use synonyms
 will have a good mentor.

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task achievement
Provide a more nuanced exploration of the topic by addressing alternative perspectives on how success is achieved beyond parental influence. This will strengthen your argument and give a more balanced view on the subject.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly states its main idea at the beginning, which can help in guiding the reader through your argument more effectively. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and vocabulary to improve engagement. This will enhance the readability and make your writing more dynamic.
task achievement
You have made a clear argument in your essay, stating your agreement with the prompt early on and supporting your main points effectively throughout.
task achievement
Your use of examples, such as encouraging children to play sports, is very relevant and helps illustrate your points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • upbringing
  • nurturing
  • discipline
  • emotional support
  • role modeling
  • socioeconomic status
  • resilience
  • determinism
  • aspirations
  • self-esteem
  • confidence
  • educational opportunities
  • personal choices
  • influences
  • financial resources
  • success
  • development
  • initiative
What to do next:
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