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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011

The graph below shows the number of inquiries received by the Tourist Information Office in one city over a six month period in 2011
This
Linking Words
 line chart depicts the received
number
Use synonyms
 of
question
Fix the agreement mistake
questions
show examples
 through
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
 of 6 months in 2011 by the
turist
Correct your spelling
tourist
 information office only in one city. It
si
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 clear
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 the graph that the
number
Use synonyms
 of received massage increased in general
According to
Linking Words
 what is shown,
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 and by
telephone
Use synonyms
 had almost
simillar
Correct your spelling
similar
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
.In the first month in
person
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 420 enquiries and
increased
Correct pronoun usage
this increased
show examples
 by 600
at the end
Linking Words
 of Feb,
while
Linking Words
 by
telephone
Use synonyms
 decreased to reach 800 beforehand 900.After
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 both increased gradually until Mar.
T he
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 real growth was
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 three
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rocketed up to reach 1600 and 1900 asking for
telephone
Use synonyms
 and
in
Add a hyphen
in-person
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 respectively. Meanwhile,the latter and email on
Correct article usage
the ther
show examples
ther
Correct your spelling
other
 hand had
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 different
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
. the
number
Use synonyms
 of
peoople
Correct your spelling
people
 asking for information is 750 in Jan which after that dropped
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
minor
Add an article
a minor
show examples
 change in Feb and Mar.the
number
Use synonyms
 of enquires
sustained
Add a missing verb
was sustained
show examples
by
Change preposition
at
show examples
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
 level in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 two
month
Fix the agreement mistake
months
show examples
 before that
threre
Correct your spelling
there
 was
gradual
Add an article
a gradual
show examples
 decline from Mar to May.
to sum up
Linking Words
 we could say that the lowest information given to
turist
Correct your spelling
tourist
 be
general
Change the word
generally
show examples
 in letter and email compared to the huge
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
by in
Change preposition
between
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 and by
telephone
Use synonyms
 which is 1200 enquires difference.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "at the end, last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, person, telephone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "information" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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