IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Directors of organizations receive higher salaries than the ordinary worker. Some people think it is necessary while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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In
this
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 contemporary world full of competition where people engage in challenges to determine how much wage they earn. It is argued that it is unfair for ordinary
workers
Use synonyms
 to make less money than their employers and it's
also
Linking Words
 believed to be reasonable for the other way around.
This
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 essay will analyse both views and draw my personal opinion. There are several important reasons behind the necessity of providing high-ranked employers with more monthly
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
.
Firstly
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, it is strongly understood that more burdens are shouldered by those who are in a high position as they have to use their intelligence and mental strength to deal with numerous problems regarding financial issues and business plans to guarantee the company's stability.
This
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 makes them live a more complicated and stressful life compared to normal
workers
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 who mostly use their physical strength.
Secondly
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, almost every worker with a high position has a relatively high academic background.
This
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 means they have endured hardship both physically, financially and mentally before obtaining their current job positions.
However
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, it
also
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 seems unfair to low-ranked employees to earn less than their boss who rarely is physically exhausted.
Firstly
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, physical exhaustion is often experienced by ordinary
workers
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 as they have to
work
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 overtime or deal with a great load of
work
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.
Secondly
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, more
work
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 burdens require more physical tolerance, making it really crucial for employees to have a fairly good nutritious diet which is something that cannot be afforded with their minimum wage. In conclusion, despite the high energy expenditure at workplaces and small salary made, in my opinion, it isn't unjust for normal
workers
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 to earn less than their boss
due to
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 the difference in their
work
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 burden and academic achievement.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or personal anecdotes to strengthen your arguments and provide a clearer understanding of your reasoning.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the overall flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are balanced in terms of development; for instance, spend equal time discussing each viewpoint to show a comprehensive understanding.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear perspective and addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced approach which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay well, with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps the reader follow your arguments easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • salary disparity
  • executive compensation
  • organizational growth
  • strategic decision-making
  • responsibility
  • workplace culture
  • demotivation
  • inequality
  • long-term sustainability
  • short-term gains
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