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Band 6

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.

The first chart below shows how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emissions which result from this energy use.
#first #energy #australian #household #second #greenhouse #gas #emissions
The pie charts illustrate the portion of
energy
Add an article
the energy
show examples
 used by an Australian, and
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
show examples
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in
greenhouse
 gas
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 from the used
energy
.
Overall
, an Australian household uses
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 majority of
energy
Correct pronoun usage
its energy
show examples
 in heating, and
energy
 consumed in water heating produces the highest
greenhouse
 gases. The uses of
energy
 in Australia can be categorized
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 six different sections.
While
 power used in heating contributes the highest portion, at 42%, the
energy
 used in cooling remains at the lowest, at 2%.
Similarly
,
one
Add a hyphen
one-third
show examples
third
 of power is utilized in water heating, which is the
second
 highest contributor. The
combine
Replace the word
combined
show examples
energy
 consumption in refrigeration, lighting
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and other appliances stands at 26%. The hazardous gases are majorly produced by
utilization
Correct article usage
the utilization
show examples
 of
energy
 in water heating and other appliances, at 32% and 28% respectively. When heating and refrigeration emit the same amount of bi-products, at 15%,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lighting and cooling contribute only 11% to the total
greenhouse
 gas emission. Interestingly,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cooling is the lowest in
energy
 utilization
as well as
 in the generation of
greenhouse
 gas.
Submitted by pratichee.spk on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, greenhouse with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Energy consumption
  • Greenhouse gas emissions
  • Sustainable practices
  • Energy efficiency
  • Renewable energy
  • Fossil fuels
  • Carbon footprint
  • Eco-friendly appliances
  • Insulation
  • Solar panels
  • Recycling
  • Climate change
  • Kilowatt-hour (kWh)
  • Emissions-intensive
  • Energy audit
  • Smart meters
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