IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that the government should put money in the Arts, such as music, opera and paintings. Other people think money should be spent on construction of public facilities instead. What is your opinion.

#people #government #money #arts #music #opera #paintings #construction #facilities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is imperative that governments spend the available fund for the most effective public services of the nation which is beneficial to society at large. Some people believe that governments should allocate sufficient fund for promoting music and arts;
However
Linking Words
, others think
that is
Linking Words
 a waste of money. From my point of view, countries should employ most of their funds in important public services rather spending money on entertainment activities.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the governments all over the world have the responsibility to ensure that every citizen of the country is educated, at least to read and write. The investment in education will be in the form of establishing more schools, universities and vocational training centres for the school dropouts.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is vital that everyone in the society has the means to get the basic health benefits. Governments can invest in the health sector in many ways. The medical practitioners should be taken care by providing them with the sufficient remuneration and benefits so that the i
mportant
Suggestion
most important
skill migration in the medical field of the country could be avoided.
Also
Linking Words
, the authorities can educate the general public and implement many vaccination programs across the countries to eradicate many diseases.
Lastly
Linking Words
, s
tates’
Suggestion
state
funds should be deployed in putting up proper transport network systems
such
Linking Words
 as the building of metro-train facility around the city. More lanes on the highway roads can be built to facilitate the car-pooling for the commuters.
This
Linking Words
 facility will reduce the carbon fuel emission and helps to reduce the global warming. I do appreciate that some people think differently, saying that the arts have a significant impact on our quality of life. Many people get great pleasure in going to see music and t
heater
a building where theatrical performances or motion-picture shows can be presented
theatre
performances. It is true that the investment in art is beneficial to the promotion of the country's soft power and the improvement of residents' quality of life when the basic lives are guaranteed.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, with a limited budget, there is nothing wrong with the government giving priority to livelihoods. In conclusion, governments should spend a major portion of their funds on highly demanding public-service sectors
such
Linking Words
 as health, education and public transportation rather than spending a huge money on the entertainment sectors
such
Linking Words
 as theatres and music.
Submitted by lindsayguo872 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: