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Band 6.5

Some people think sending criminals to prison is not an effective way to deal with them. Education and training are better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #criminals #prison #education
There is a growing concern among many people that imprisonment is no longer the best solution in the fight for fighting against crime, and some other that educational methods seem to bring more satisfying outcomes. In my viewpoint, I am partly supportive of
this
 proposed change because both two approaches have their own distinctive advantages. The
first
 point to note is
that admittedly
Accept comma addition
that, admittedly
, incarceration, to some extent, has contributed to reduce reducing the crime rate and guarantee social security.
Firstly
, Severe severe prison sentences can act as a deterrent against committing offender, which hinder potential lawbreakers from becoming actual criminals and crimes from re-offending.
For instance
, knowing there might be a chance of being condemned to jail, those who are having the intention of committing illegalities would reconsider rejecting dark designs.
Secondly
, house of detention, the only place to keep those who have done wicked things
such
 as murders, rapists,...
in
Suggestion
In
 captivity, can serve as an invisible fence to ensure the safety of other law-abiding citizens.
On the other hand
, confinement, in many cases, can not be able to eradicate
this
 heated issue.
However
, education might serve as a remedy for the essence of delinquency.
Firstly
, accessing to better educational service, citizens can be well-informed about the damage that committing crimes would cause to the community and even themselves.
This
 thing would make them dispel ideas of breaking
law
Suggestion
the law
laws
a law
.
Secondly
, education is
of
Suggestion
about
 the most critical method to rehabilitate offenders. Vocational training,
for example
, can help crimes after being released formerly incarcerated persons become marketable employees and
then
 take up proper occupation. Education and training,
therefore
, are the prerequisite to criminals’ reintegration into the community, leading to a lower rate of recidivism. In conclusion, I believe that accompanying with imprisonment, providing better education to everyone, criminals,
in particular
, might will certainly tackle the roots of crimes
Submitted by giacatngocanh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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