IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In most countries, the crime rate is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas. Why you do you think that is? What can be done to reduce the crime rate?

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It is argued that the number of committed in cities is relatively higher than in the countryside in most nations. It is caused by some specific reasons,
however
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, it can be
also
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 decreased by taking some measures. When it comes to crimes, it is confirmed that urban areas face a higher rate compared to rural settlements. Actually, several causes can play a crucial role in the rocketing number of committed offences. First of all, the more population, the more outlaw activities
such
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 as vandalism.
For instance
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,
according to
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 a study in Iran, no damage to public facilities has been observed in countrysides all around the territory over decades.
Moreover
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, when people become residents of a spread-out area, they usually do not know each other completely.
As a result
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, individuals often feel more comfortable when they do an offensive action. Here are some effective suggestions for high-ranking officials to tackle
such
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 a vexing complicated dilemma.
Firstly
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, no one can deny the importance of employment. In
this
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 regard, the government should provide job opportunities for young people.
For example
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, the rate of theft is relatively significant in Kermanshah, Iran, because of massive unemployment.
In addition
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 to that, documentaries and cultural programs can be beneficial to reduce outrages. Regarding culture, police data has shown that car accidents caused by human roots decreased after launching an educational traffic plan over a period of ten years in Iran. In conclusion,
Although
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 the rate of breaking laws in metropolises is higher than in villages in many nations, special actions like increasing employment can be carried out to relieve
this
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 problem by assessing its related roots like population and its needs.

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task achievement
To enhance your score in Task Achievement, it is important to expand on your ideas and provide a more thorough explanation. Consider using diverse examples from multiple contexts to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by organizing your ideas more systematically. Use clear signposting language to guide the reader through your argument and ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the argument effectively.
task achievement
Identifies both causes of crime in urban areas and potential solutions, demonstrating a complete response to the prompt.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • population density
  • economic disparities
  • unemployment
  • anonymity
  • law enforcement
  • economic desperation
  • vocational training
  • community programs
  • drug prevention
  • conflict resolution
  • community policing
  • surveillance cameras
  • predictive policing
  • social cohesion
  • recreational programs
  • support groups
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