IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Government should spend more money on education than on recreation and sports. Do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #education #recreation #sports
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often stated that more money should be invested on academics than on extra curricular activities by the Government. In my opinion, both are equally important,
therefore
Linking Words
, I disagree with the above statement.
Firstly
Linking Words
, recreation is important for the mental health. The famous saying " All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" applies to
this
Linking Words
 situation. If an individual spends the whole day studying, he or she will not learn to interact with others which could lead to personality disorders.
For example
Linking Words
, taking part in sports would develop team spirit or participating in the Art's and Crafts would improve their creative side.
In addition
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 assists in improving behaviour and positivity.
That is
Linking Words
 why, it is important that education and recreation is given equal importance, as it would help in the overall mental development of individuals.
Secondly
Linking Words
, engaging in activities, assists in improving the physical self. Recreation, especially outdoor ones, encourages good physical health by increasing stamina, flexibility, endurance and body strength, to name a few.
Moreover
Linking Words
, doing physical activities at an early age would imbibe a culture of discipline.
For instance
Linking Words
, a child who is involved in a sport and regularly practices the same would develop a routine over a period of time.
This
Linking Words
 practice would, in the long run, have a positive impact on the child's lifestyle. Due to which it is important that extra curriculum are given the same value as academics. In light of the above, I strongly believe that recreation should be given the same value as education, as it helps in keeping good mental and physical health.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: