IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

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Choosing a domain of
study
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 at the high school level is a tough decision. Many students are quite clear about their aim in life
while
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 others still wonder and are still in the thinking mode of deciding a
career
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 pathway. I firmly believe that adolescents at
this
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 school level should be permitted to select the area of
study
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 of their choice.
This
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 is because
,
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apply
show examples
 these studies will keep them motivated and help them to achieve success with passion. First and foremost, the youth at
this
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 age is a mature individual and can make a clear distinction between his strengths and weaknesses. Considering
this
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, he has the ability to fulfill his dream by making the correct choice which is selecting the appropriate
course
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 of
study
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. Schools should
therefore
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 give a free hand to the youngsters, by not only providing varied options but
also
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 conducting
career
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 workshops , so that these young children are at ease to follow their desired path.
Such
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 guidance encourages them to get going and instils confidence by knowing the
career
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 opportunities ahead.
For instance
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, a child who is good at academics in science subjects may desire to become a doctor in future. He is confused if he could achieve
this
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 level. So,
career
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 counselling sessions from expert individuals would give him direction through detailed information , pros and cons, and eventually make it easier for him to decide on his future studies.
On the other hand
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, if a youngster is forced to
study
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 a
course
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 in which he lacks interest, it can prove disastrous for both the learner and the society at large. A recent
study
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 by Delhi University revealed that 40% of students who are pushed to
study
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 subjects which are not of their liking , do not even graduate from University. They fail incessantly and
consequently
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 bear the tag of a drop-out. To avoid
this
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 situation, it is wise for high schools to let teenagers choose their future field of
study
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. In conclusion, parents and educators should offer a helping hand to students by allowing them to choose their preferred
course
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. A motivated child is ambitious to attain his goals as compared to an individual who is forced to pursue a
course
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 he never had an interest in. I personally agree with the notion of allowing a student to follow his dreams by selecting the appropriate
course
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 for himself.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure clarity and avoid repetition in phrasing. For instance, instead of saying 'the youth at this age is a mature individual', you could say 'adolescents at this age are mature enough to make informed decisions'.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied vocabulary to enhance the richness of your essay. Phrases like 'a tough decision' can be replaced with 'a challenging choice' to avoid redundancy in word choice.
task achievement
Expand on your examples and maybe relate personal experiences or more detailed scenarios so that the arguments are even more compelling and relatable.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion that is consistently supported throughout.
coherence and cohesion
Your structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This aids the reader in following your argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personalized learning
  • Engagement and motivation
  • Career preparation
  • Skill development
  • Well-rounded education
  • Elective system
  • Specialization
  • Responsibility
  • Mastery
  • Competitiveness
  • Life skills
  • Balanced curriculum
  • Decision making
  • Future careers
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