In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsiblity. What are your opinions on this?

#countries #children #work #people #responsiblity

Engaging some

Suggestion

Engaging in some

children with some kind of paid

work

is considered as a wrong treatment, while some people believe that it can contribute more positive impact for them.

This

essay will explain why

refers to the speaker or writer

believe the drawbacks of a paid

work

for children are outweighed by the benefit. Considering

firstly

the positives, the crucial advantage of having a job for children is they can earn some money to fund their life. Having salary is a fundamental resource for them to learn how to live

Suggestion

independent life and as the result, they will start taking

responsiblity

the social force that binds you to the courses of action demanded by that force

responsibility

for their daily needs.

Besides

earning money, a paid

work

is not only giving a valuable

experience

to get a future job, but

also

improving their skill to deal with any problem in

working environment

Suggestion

a working environment

the working environment

. Skill that people need in the office,

for instance

emotional

quotion

a mathematical statement that two expressions are equal

equation

quotient

question

, will be

learnt

Suggestion

learned

effectively by their working

experience

, not by in class process.

On the other hand

, letting children to

work

also

does present some problem.

For example

, a paid job will distract them from their focus on learning the other basic skills like numeracy and literacy in a school. School as

Suggestion

education

Suggestion

educational

institution will equip both of those skills for their student.

This

is a so critical because because numeracy and literacy will help to improve logical thinking, problem solving and exploring new knowledge. To sum up,

although

paid

work

for children is

benefecial

promoting or enhancing well-being

beneficial

in terms of giving valuable

experience

, improving learning process, and teaching to take

responsibily

Suggestion

responsibility

responsible

, it will be more important to focus on

learning process

Suggestion

the learning process

in the school. If working

experience

has an urgency, it can be combined as

vocation curriculum system

Suggestion

a vocation curriculum system

Sun Feb 09 2020

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

279 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsiblity. What are your opinions on this?

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

These days people spend more and more time at work and less time at home. What are advantages and disadvantages of this?

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other type of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.