Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

#life #improvements #health #people #age #sixty-five #lives #society #benefit #contribution

With better medicine and advanced technology, elderly tend to have higher age nowadays. According to WHO reports, people have longer life and they died on average 75 years-old for men and 80 years-old for women. Improved nutrients make human have stronger bodies and,

hence

they live energetically. Their enthusiastic lives turn to

Suggestion

the next page

This

essay will outline two ways in which

this

interest can benefit society.

Firstly

, old people act as babysitters to look after babies and

therefore

more manpower

is released

Suggestion

are released

to job market.

Grandfathers or

Accept comma addition

Grandfathers, or

grandmothers have much free time after retirement. Why not develop a strong bonding or

relationship

Suggestion

a relationship

relationships

with their grandsons and granddaughters?

Mother

Suggestion

The mother

can go to work.

This

method not only increases

work force but

Accept comma addition

workforce, but

workforce but

also

benefits

economy

Suggestion

economically

. More family income stimulates more consumptions and expansions, that means country GDP as well as unemployment are improved and social welfare pressure is released.

Secondly

, senior people contribute to the local community to show their compassion and helping spirits.

For example

, they work voluntarily in community

centers

an area that is approximately central within some larger region

centres

or visit

elderly’s homes

Suggestion

the elderly’s homes

. They can sing songs and play games with those

unhealthy sick

Accept comma addition

unhealthy, sick

old

Suggestion

older

patients who are living in elderly’s hostels. Lyrics and melodies melt their hearts. Warmth and compassion

is delivered

Suggestion

are delivered

to those old men and aging women. Regular visits

make

Suggestion

are made

them

fell

undergo an emotional sensation or be in a particular state of mind

feel

“you are still being loved”.

This

action is interactive that the person who helps others reflects their moral values and positive beliefs. In conclusion,

social system

Suggestion

the social system

is enhanced from

achievements

Suggestion

the achievements

of the elderly by sharing mothers’ responsibility who add to

workforce

Suggestion

the workforce

Furthermore

, working in public groups shows their sincerity and positive attitudes.

Submitted by c28695 on Mon Feb 10 2020

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Teachers are not as important as they used to be because of the choice of other alternatives for students, such as online teaching. To what extent to do you agree of disagree?

Some claim that children are more aware of environmental issues than older adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Environmental hazards are often too great for particular countries or individuals to tackle. We have arrived at a point in time where the only way to lessen environmental problems is at an international level. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A road near your home is damaged. Write a letter to the council of your town/city to complain about it. In your letter – Tell them who are you and where you live – Explain the nature of your complaint – Say what you would like them to do about it