IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

in what ways can society benefit from contribution that older people can make ?

#society #benefit #contribution #people
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With the advent of modern technology and medical treatment regimens, elderly people above 65 years have longer
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy and spend physically active
life
Use synonyms
. They can contribute very actively towards the development of
society
Use synonyms
, owing to the years of experience they earned in their
Use synonyms
life time
the period during which something is functional (as between birth and death)
lifetime
. The senior citizens can benefit the
society
Use synonyms
 in a number of ways utilizing their experience in the fields, in which they gave whole
life
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. They can provide excellent teaching lessons in schools
as a result
Linking Words
 of vast experience or provide valuable assistance in
finance department
Suggestion
the finance department
.
For example
Linking Words
, we witness all the best teachers in colleges and universities are elderly and experienced.
In addition
Linking Words
, all the senior surgeons in hospitals who are aged, may not perform
miraculous
Suggestion
miracles
 and long surgeries but they are excellent guides for the procedure
.
Accept space
.
So they can prove to be productive members of the
society
Use synonyms
. The elderly people can be beneficial in sports as well. These seasoned players can be employed as coaches in various games and
this
Linking Words
 will keep them physically active as well.
For example
Linking Words
,
majority
Suggestion
the majority
 of the coaches of soccer team in
UK
Suggestion
the UK
 are more than 65 years of age and they have been
witnessed
Suggestion
witnesses
witness
 to train the team so well and devise
such
Linking Words
 strategies which players of the current era cannot even think of. It is beneficial for both the
society
Use synonyms
 and the veterans as it gives the satisfaction and sense of achievement. In conclusion, senior members of
society
Use synonyms
 can be very useful, provided they are utilized well and employed as per their aptitudes.
Submitted by eden2029 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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