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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

students leave high school without learning the way to manage their money. What are the reasons and solutions of this issue?

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It is true that many high
school
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 graduates encounter the lack of
finacial
involving financial matters
financial
management
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knowledge
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.
This
Linking Words
 dearth stems from the misconception of parents and
school
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 and the overloaded curriculum, but I think some feasible measures are available to address
this
Linking Words
 issue. Several reasons can explain why students leave high
school
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 without
knowledge
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 about
money
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management
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.
Firstly
Linking Words
, their parents and
school
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 suppose that attending personal finance classes is not of importance to them sice at that age, it is more appropriate to impart
finacial
involving financial matters
financial
knowledge
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 to them when they grow older, at university
for instance
Linking Words
.
Second
Linking Words
, the curriculum at high
school
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 is too overloaded to add
money
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management
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 classes. Students have to deal with too many academic subjects to prepare for university entrance exam, so learning how to distribute
money
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 effectively just makes them exhausted and overwhelmed.
However
Linking Words
, some effective and feasible actions can be taken to improve
money
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management
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 skills for them.
Initially
Linking Words
, students can definitely learn
this
Linking Words
 skill through practical situations.
For example
Linking Words
, parents can help their children use their
allowances monthly
Suggestion
monthly allowances
 for different purposes efficiently, or schools may
also
Linking Words
 teach them how
to make
Suggestion
making
 a financial plan for a
school
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 trip.
This
Linking Words
actions
Suggestion
action
 can educate them to be more financially responsible and become a good
money
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 manager.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, extra courses about managing personal finance in which high
school
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 students are educated about earning,
speading
the act of spending or disbursing money
spending
 and saving
money
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 should be opened in summer. It can be an ideal time to attend these classes as they are totally free from studying academic disciplines. In conclusion, the shortage of
knowledge
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 about managing
money
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 that high
school
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 leavers face drives from several culprits that can be addressed by practical experiences or extracurricular courses in summer.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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