IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local person when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #visitors #person #visit #attractions #country
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In contemporary society,
people
 often think about whether International tourists should be charged more for the historical entrance fees than domestic. Arguably, some
people
 consider
this
 as a discrimination objection towards International visitors, whilst others say
otherwise
. In
this
 essay, I will explain both of my views on
this
 kind of topic. Nowadays, there are numerous societies assume that take more benefits in foreign visitors are more beneficial than expected. The reason for the higher charge on them
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 the regime needs to provide other expenses
such
 as daily maintenance, advertisements, charities, attractions etc.
For instance
, the cultural organisation should provide some different language interpreters in order to help visitors understand the historical information from the places.
As a result
, the authority presumably does not need to make another extra monetary to protect the national heritage.
Moreover
, in terms of charging lower entrance fees for the local community, many individuals agree about
this
 content. As the impact of
this
 action, the government and the organisation,
on the other hand
,
also
 thinking of creating something in order to attract locals without money hesitation.
For example
, these counterparts are creating a mobile application for the annual subscription with a limited amount of charges or free trials in three months for the community.
However
, the good from
this
 movement, many
people
 are coming to the heritage sites without any
further
 complaints and yet, the money is still profitable as same as International tourists. In my opinion, I would say that I agree with
this
.
This
 is because taking some valuable things is not really bad for some participants.
Consequently
, there are still enormous individuals from different countries who are happy to visit without worry about either the price or other circumstances
To conclude
, the higher charge for foreign
people
 has more benefits than disadvantages. It is because the funds from them are attributed to protecting the historical sites, not for anything bad in the future.
Submitted by wulandarianggieta on

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task achievement
Make sure to directly address the prompt in your introduction and conclusion, stating clearly your position on the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay and clearly differentiate between your main points.
task achievement
Include more specific, detailed examples to support your arguments, enhancing your task achievement score.
coherence and cohesion
Organise your essay more effectively by clearly stating your main points in separate paragraphs and developing each point comprehensively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural exchange
  • economic contribution
  • tourism industry
  • equity
  • fairness
  • local economy
  • revenue allocation
  • economic discrimination
  • preservation
  • maintenance
  • community development
  • pricing strategy
  • perceived fairness
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