IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think that all young people should be required to have full-time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #education #years
Education
 for youngsters appear to play an
increasingly
Suggestion
increasing
 role in society today.
However
, there is a controversial debate on whether adolescents should be taught all day long in schools until the age of majority or not.
Although
 the full-time
education
 holds a few of drawbacks itself, I reckon that its advantages outweigh the disadvantages. On the one hand, some people argue that the
education
 system today is outdated and not suitable for those under 18 who are eager to learn soft skills
instead
 of getting a diploma of college.
For example
, the high schools merely focus on the teaching of main subjects
such
 as mathematics, sciences and literature rather than the skills like social communication, negotiation and
team work
cooperative work done by a team (especially when it is effective)
teamwork
.
However
, in reality, the employers in
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 markets prefer to recruit the employees who have already worked in a particular field for several years.
Therefore
, it is better for most adolescents to receive a part-time
education
 or graduate earlier from schools so that they can extract enough time to accumulate more practical experience by after-class activities.
On the other hand
, it is true that the full-time
education
 until the age of majority is fundamental and essential for both groups of young people aiming to become: blue-collar workers or white-collar workers.
To begin
 with, the full-time
education
 actually offers the basic knowledge to youngsters and cultivates their
independently
Suggestion
independent
 thinking ability, which will serve in the future. One
can not
can not
cannot
 imagine that an illiterate man could be competent for any jobs.
In addition
, those who are aiming at a
high
Suggestion
higher
 goal in their careers have to receive full-time
education
 for an appropriately long time,
for instance
, until their 18 years old. Because there
are
Suggestion
is
 a lot of knowledge they must learn as well as possible to ensure that they
colud
requests polite permission
could
 accomplish the academic performance or the ideal plan of career. In brief, I am of the opinion that the full-time
education
 plays a crucial role in producing the qualified workforce for our society. In order to build up people’s competition in
labor
a social class comprising those who do manual labor or work for wages
labour
 markets, governments should impose some rules on schools to improve their teaching to fit a variety of needs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: