IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people use the internet to search for solutions to their medical problems. Is it a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples from your experience.

#people #internet #search #development
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The
internet
Use synonyms
 has penetrated the global market to
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 extent that,
cure
Correct article usage
a cure
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 for many
Use synonyms
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems can be found online. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 could be helpful for basic solutions, but not for
treatment
Correct article usage
the treatment
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 of any medical conditions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe
this
Linking Words
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
negative development. Nowadays,
One
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 of the most popular
search
Fix the agreement mistake
searches
show examples
 done on the
internet
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 is, finding treatment for
Use synonyms
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
 problems. People depend a lot on the recently developed technology to gain information and solutions for their
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 life.
One
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 of them is finding
medicine
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 for the
illness
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. Though,
this
Linking Words
 can be helpful as there are many home remedies available for improving basic
health
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 by using household items.
For example
Linking Words
, making herbal tea for
cold
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colds
show examples
 and
cough
Fix the agreement mistake
coughs
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. But a person should not risk their
health
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 by doing so for complex or serious unwellness.
However
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,
one
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 main reason is,
depending
Correct word choice
that depending
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 on the
internet
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 for severe
health
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 issues could be
life threatening
Add a hyphen
life-threatening
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. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young people, who are well educated and handy with online searches, believe that they could even search for medicines for relative sickness, but they could incorrectly judge the
illness
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 and apply
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
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medicine
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, which could make the sickness more intense.
For instance
Linking Words
, applying
an
Change the article
a
show examples
medicine
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 for skin infection, which could spread if not treated
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
appropriately. Another reason is,
Linking Words
this
Correct word choice
that this
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advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 technology can be used
for understanding
Change preposition
to understand
show examples
 the
illness
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 and to learn how to avoid
such
Linking Words
 circumstances
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that it cannot happen again. To illustrate, the
internet
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 could be considered as a useful tool for searching precautionary methods for various
Use synonyms
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
.
Though
Correct word choice
However
show examples
, the information given on websites could be incomplete or conditional.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my opinion, depending on
internet
Use synonyms
 information for finding
medicine
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 to treat the
illness
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 could be life-threatening and cause
further
Linking Words
 inconvenience to the body.
Hence
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,
one
Use synonyms
 should always consult a doctor for a reliable treatment.
Submitted by abhi on

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task response
Ensure to fully address all parts of the essay prompt in detail. Provide more specific examples to support your opinions and strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Maintain a clear and organized structure throughout the essay. Use transition words to improve flow between paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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